Resolved: Seize the day, for tomorrow, we may die

Written April 2007

Fear. It's really fear that keeps alot of people. You ever notice in a seminar how someone will put their hand

It isn't my failures that bother it. It is the things I remember not doing that bothers me. The squandered opportunities.

9th grade of high school, I ran for the track and field team. The 1-mile and 2-mile races. Mid-season, for several weeks, I had a case tendonitis in my knees. At first, not debilitating. I always went to practice, and I went to a meet. But during this meet, it got worse. First, I ran the one-mile, and I did it okay, but the knees felt more stressed than ever before. A little while later, I got in line for the 2-mile race. The only other guy on my team running the race was a guy who did the long jump. He had no delusion as to succeeding or doing well. Coach just put him in there to have another guy from our school run the race. So it was him and me running. And the race started, and right there, the moment I began to run, my knees just screamed. Absolutely painful. After the first curve of the track, I was in the rear of the pack, and my teammate said,

"Are you okay?"

It was as bad as the tendonitis got. Because of the pain, I considered dropping out of the race; now, see, the 2-mile race is 8 laps long if you're running on a 400meter track. For most high schoolers, that race will go over ten minutes. For me, that race would go over ten minute. But, still, I didn't want look bad. I didn't want to look back at that moment and figure, "I pussed out." So I decided to run as hard as I could, for a long as I could, until, physically, I gave out. Until I couldn't possibly run anymore. I decided that if I was going to lose, I was going to lose as a man.
So I sprinted. And after the next curve of the track, I found myself. And, if you have ever been first place in a race, you know how mentally liberating it is. Being behind somebody creates this sense of being boxed in. But when you're in front of everyone, you feel like you have the entire track to yourself. In a race, there is nothing more amazing than the feeling that you receive from being in first place. And, oh my god, now, I cannot possibly give up. It would be very bad to drop from first to last in a race. So, I thought now I've got to finish this well.

And me and three guys from another school, we competed for the top three positions that whole race. One of them ran out far ahead of us all, so it basically and the other two fighting for 2nd and 3rd. So they passed me. And I passed them. And they passed me. And I passed them. The entire race, we practically leap frogged each other.

And my didn't knees even hurt anymore. I don't remember any pain at that point. I finished that race in 3rd place, and it was a personal record.

The way I ran that race is the way I would like to everything in my live. Certainly, considering an amount of moderation, but setting out to do what I need to set to do, and as doing as well I can. Even if I fail, I would like to go out in a blaze of glory. A blaze of glory is much, much better than sitting at home, promising myself I will be adventurous tomorrow.