http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/07/31/military.sexabuse/index.html
An organization that fails to protect its own members from each other is unstable and poorly run.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Marty Bahamonde is pretty awesome
http://derenegade.blogspot.com/2005/10/someone-needs-to-tap-marty-bahamonde.html
Crabs
A market below a LIRR bridge. Fruits, and vegetable exhibited in their shelves on the sidewalk, with human traffic creeping by to the subway station. And flies flies flies resting on the grapes. Fish occupy one-fourth of the building. Just along the wall, fish laid side by side, on ice. And on the end of that row, crabs in boxes. Stacked together like dirt. Twitching, snapping crabs. And the man watching over them picked at them with his gripper to make sure they still twitched. He chucked a dead one in the garbage. He then picked up another one he had doubts about, and the others crabs grabbed it before it was out of their range. The man and the crabs engaged tug-of-war for a good ten seconds until the man won. He tossed the crab upside down onto a cardboard surface. It twitched. Still good to eat. He returned it to the crab box.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
MSG (1st draft)
Two blocks down the street from Madison Square Garden,
and its digital, massive billboards, these huge men,
bald, bearded, or both,
carried billboards of mushroom clouds swallowing the sky.
In the midst of girls in diva sunglasses and blackberrys,
they preached against racial injustice,
and preached of the onset of Ammaggedon,
and Ammeggedon that clenses the world of the disease they called America,
and bring forth a new world, once and for all.
And so that a new world will come,
I think, like maggots from a dead alligator on river side.
And maggots will chew on the alligator,
and expand.
And little beetles will eat the maggots.
And a bigger beetle will eat a little beetle,
and that biggle beetle will find itself in
the beak of a sparrow.
And sparrow will spirit away
from a sharp-shinned hawk.
They will go at this for about a minute,
and the hawk will swat the sparrow onto the treektrunk,
and all that will be left is pieces
that cannot be known for bones.
And that hawk will rest one day on the side of a swamp***.
A crocodile will eat it.
And one day that crocodile will wither, and die on the lake side,
and from, maggots will emerge.
They will chew the rough skin into nonexistence.
They will chew the heart.
They will chew the brain,
and the vains,
and the stomach.
And approaching the corpse,
a little bird, or a hungry frog,
hungry for maggots
that are plump, and juicy.
and its digital, massive billboards, these huge men,
bald, bearded, or both,
carried billboards of mushroom clouds swallowing the sky.
In the midst of girls in diva sunglasses and blackberrys,
they preached against racial injustice,
and preached of the onset of Ammaggedon,
and Ammeggedon that clenses the world of the disease they called America,
and bring forth a new world, once and for all.
And so that a new world will come,
I think, like maggots from a dead alligator on river side.
And maggots will chew on the alligator,
and expand.
And little beetles will eat the maggots.
And a bigger beetle will eat a little beetle,
and that biggle beetle will find itself in
the beak of a sparrow.
And sparrow will spirit away
from a sharp-shinned hawk.
They will go at this for about a minute,
and the hawk will swat the sparrow onto the treektrunk,
and all that will be left is pieces
that cannot be known for bones.
And that hawk will rest one day on the side of a swamp***.
A crocodile will eat it.
And one day that crocodile will wither, and die on the lake side,
and from, maggots will emerge.
They will chew the rough skin into nonexistence.
They will chew the heart.
They will chew the brain,
and the vains,
and the stomach.
And approaching the corpse,
a little bird, or a hungry frog,
hungry for maggots
that are plump, and juicy.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Flushing, NY
Flushing, Queens, like the rest of the city, covered in black spots that used to be gum, chewed, chewed, chewed, chewed, chewed, chewed, and spit onto the sidewalk and dried up from pink to black. Flushing comprises about the center, north portion of Queens, pretty close the La Guardia Airport, and often you will see airplanes hovering close, close enough to remind you of terrorist attacks, debris, and buildings collapsing due to structural damage.
It is what the rest of New York purports to be, with its racially diverse area. Hispanics, Asians, and an assortment of brown people from eastern Europe, the Middle East, and the region around India. In a Walgreens, you will see a woman in a head-to-toe black burqa, a slit revealing only her eyes, pushing a cart, children accompanying her. I hold back from constructing jokes.
Men in their cylinder white caps.
Hispanics. The freaking high schoolers playing wiffleball in the middle of a street occupied on both sides by parked cars. Once, a car almost ran over their ball.
(Microsoft Works Word Processor fails to register ‘wiffleball’ or ‘whiffleball’ as real words)
Lots and lots of Asians, recent immigrants, and you will know their territory by the language of the billboards, and storefronts. You will also know by how 99% of the sidewalk is Asian. They own Main Street.
A KKK member’s worst nightmare.
Very few white people. Black people, here and there.
There is one man. Wiry, about my height, age 50ish, yet to become plagued by grey hairs. You will often see him somewhere near the Main Street Station for the 7 train, or down Kissena avenue. He wears sunglasses, even at 10 o’clock in the evening, as he sits in a door step for a pet shop. Walks with a stylish cane, walks in this wiggly strut I find my writing too poor to convey. His fingerless black gloves. Imagine the very best and worst of 80s fashion, with jackets rolled up past the elbow. In red one day, black the next, then white, then violet. He often sits on the bench by the escalators leading out of the subway station.
(In other news, Cold Case is a show with badly written dialogue. “Rabble-rouser!”)
You will know Flushing by the Library, shiny, gray, massive, and half encased by glass. They will not be throwing stones from there any time soon.
You will know Flushing by the appearance of cards in a patriotic blue promoting Peter Koo for state Senate.
You will also know Flushing by the fact that it shares a name with the only action that a toilet does.
By the way, it’s such a shame that toilet businessman Thomas Crapper had to be remembered the way he was.
We haven’t had a president who sported facial hair since Taft.
---
Random status lines.
Alberto Luperon…
…is running for the presidency of your heart.
…is unconstitutional.
…likes polluting your news feed.
…feels like orange juice. As in he would like to drink some.
…feels like steak. As in he feels seasoned, cooked on a stove top, and eaten with a fork and knife.
…is for interracial couplings, because without them, he wouldn’t exist.
…thinks Stephen Colbert is a national treasure.
…just found out Colbert’s middle name is Tyrone.
…thinks Tyrone is just about the best name to give your kid.
…is dangerously self-important.
…is is is is is is is is is is is is…
…is pretty sure 2000 feels like a long time ago.
It is what the rest of New York purports to be, with its racially diverse area. Hispanics, Asians, and an assortment of brown people from eastern Europe, the Middle East, and the region around India. In a Walgreens, you will see a woman in a head-to-toe black burqa, a slit revealing only her eyes, pushing a cart, children accompanying her. I hold back from constructing jokes.
Men in their cylinder white caps.
Hispanics. The freaking high schoolers playing wiffleball in the middle of a street occupied on both sides by parked cars. Once, a car almost ran over their ball.
(Microsoft Works Word Processor fails to register ‘wiffleball’ or ‘whiffleball’ as real words)
Lots and lots of Asians, recent immigrants, and you will know their territory by the language of the billboards, and storefronts. You will also know by how 99% of the sidewalk is Asian. They own Main Street.
A KKK member’s worst nightmare.
Very few white people. Black people, here and there.
There is one man. Wiry, about my height, age 50ish, yet to become plagued by grey hairs. You will often see him somewhere near the Main Street Station for the 7 train, or down Kissena avenue. He wears sunglasses, even at 10 o’clock in the evening, as he sits in a door step for a pet shop. Walks with a stylish cane, walks in this wiggly strut I find my writing too poor to convey. His fingerless black gloves. Imagine the very best and worst of 80s fashion, with jackets rolled up past the elbow. In red one day, black the next, then white, then violet. He often sits on the bench by the escalators leading out of the subway station.
(In other news, Cold Case is a show with badly written dialogue. “Rabble-rouser!”)
You will know Flushing by the Library, shiny, gray, massive, and half encased by glass. They will not be throwing stones from there any time soon.
You will know Flushing by the appearance of cards in a patriotic blue promoting Peter Koo for state Senate.
You will also know Flushing by the fact that it shares a name with the only action that a toilet does.
By the way, it’s such a shame that toilet businessman Thomas Crapper had to be remembered the way he was.
We haven’t had a president who sported facial hair since Taft.
---
Random status lines.
Alberto Luperon…
…is running for the presidency of your heart.
…is unconstitutional.
…likes polluting your news feed.
…feels like orange juice. As in he would like to drink some.
…feels like steak. As in he feels seasoned, cooked on a stove top, and eaten with a fork and knife.
…is for interracial couplings, because without them, he wouldn’t exist.
…thinks Stephen Colbert is a national treasure.
…just found out Colbert’s middle name is Tyrone.
…thinks Tyrone is just about the best name to give your kid.
…is dangerously self-important.
…is is is is is is is is is is is is…
…is pretty sure 2000 feels like a long time ago.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Habeas Corpus, Federalism, and Human Societies (incomplete)
I. Habeas Corpus, and other procedural matters
Habeas corpus exists for the sake of the wrongly accused. The idea behind the writ: the defendant, once imprisoned, can challenge the imprisonment. And from this, the backbone of criminal law, other procedures take shape. The prisoner can get a trial, (s)he can get a lawyer, (s)he can abstain, (s)he can post bail, etc.
How this plays out, and what gets people so disgusted with this situation is that Charles Manson gets to appeal his imprisonment every several years. How this plays out is that, on paper, it is a very structured system. For example, evidence needs to be introduced into trial in a certain way. That's one thing judges do: they make sure procedure is followed, and see what evidence is permissible, depending on procedure. For example, evidence that could convict a robber could be denied access in court because it failed to fit certain guidelines. The problem with law, however, is that any amount of text can fail to anticipate all of the possibilities that reality can become. Remember that those lawyers who came forward with proof that their late client had committed a murder that another man was convicted for? The convicted man lost almost three decades in prison. And why did those lawyer stay back for so long? Apparently, if they came forward while their client was alive, they would have violated attorney-client privilege. Their information would have been inadmissible in a court room, and therefore, the innocent man would still be in jail, all other things being equal. Procedures like these can the sinew of habeas corpus.
Make sure that only the guilty are convicted. Alan Dershowitz, the other side of the coin on which Antonin Scalia lives, supports the idea that many human legal system, including that of the USA, give the benefit of the doubt to the accused person. Better to free the guilty than punish the innocent. The opposite of this chaotic mess of law is just chaos.
For example, just as easily, physically speaking, as those lawyers could have came out with the truth before their client died, another person, Person A, could say he saw the convicted man commit the killing, and Person A lying. Without procedures to make sure the legal system is fair, the alternative is pretty crappy. Instead of just getting murder, murderers can get away with accusing other people of murder.
And the accused gets arrested, and he stays in jail. Without a trial, or at least a fair trail. Because habeas corpus is dead.
II. Federalism
Let's pretend you disbelieve that corporations and the rich run everything. So, looking at the general structure of our government, we find that it is built so that the power of government is divided amongst the rulers. The Supreme Court is appointed by the President with the decision of Congress; the President's vetoes can be overridden by a semi-unified Congress, and his Orders can be nullified by the Court; Congress can be vetoed by the President, and its laws can be nullified by the Court. And the People choose Congress and the President, and therefore indirectly choose the Court. Power is divided so that no one is King.
This nation, the United States of America, was founded on the truth that men feast on one another, and that in order to create a stable society, power needs to be reasonably divided. Not the truth "that all men are created equal," at least in the idealistic sense. The equality thing is what the PR department during the Revolution said, but what the nation is really founded on is that these men, the Founding Fathers, realized that people take advantage of one another. Geniuses, they were. The first people in millennia thrifty enough to both get power, and also realize that power can be abused and that they could be the abusers. After the war ended, they didn't trust one another. They made the first central gov't, the Confederation, and it was weak. They only replaced it with the current structure of government because the confederation was too weak to succeed. But they knew that anyone with too much power could abuse it. It was like a reality show.
And a lot of people still believed that the constitution was imperfectly formed. New York State accepted the document by 3 votes. 3 votes!
And George Washington. Let's just clap the man. A landmark moment, when he chose to abstain from a third term. Perhaps the first time in History that a powerful ruler stepped down from power without having to die, or get pulled out.
Robert Mugabe is 100 years old, and he can't not be President.
III. Human Societies
Stable human societies rely on compromise.
Habeas corpus exists for the sake of the wrongly accused. The idea behind the writ: the defendant, once imprisoned, can challenge the imprisonment. And from this, the backbone of criminal law, other procedures take shape. The prisoner can get a trial, (s)he can get a lawyer, (s)he can abstain, (s)he can post bail, etc.
How this plays out, and what gets people so disgusted with this situation is that Charles Manson gets to appeal his imprisonment every several years. How this plays out is that, on paper, it is a very structured system. For example, evidence needs to be introduced into trial in a certain way. That's one thing judges do: they make sure procedure is followed, and see what evidence is permissible, depending on procedure. For example, evidence that could convict a robber could be denied access in court because it failed to fit certain guidelines. The problem with law, however, is that any amount of text can fail to anticipate all of the possibilities that reality can become. Remember that those lawyers who came forward with proof that their late client had committed a murder that another man was convicted for? The convicted man lost almost three decades in prison. And why did those lawyer stay back for so long? Apparently, if they came forward while their client was alive, they would have violated attorney-client privilege. Their information would have been inadmissible in a court room, and therefore, the innocent man would still be in jail, all other things being equal. Procedures like these can the sinew of habeas corpus.
Make sure that only the guilty are convicted. Alan Dershowitz, the other side of the coin on which Antonin Scalia lives, supports the idea that many human legal system, including that of the USA, give the benefit of the doubt to the accused person. Better to free the guilty than punish the innocent. The opposite of this chaotic mess of law is just chaos.
For example, just as easily, physically speaking, as those lawyers could have came out with the truth before their client died, another person, Person A, could say he saw the convicted man commit the killing, and Person A lying. Without procedures to make sure the legal system is fair, the alternative is pretty crappy. Instead of just getting murder, murderers can get away with accusing other people of murder.
And the accused gets arrested, and he stays in jail. Without a trial, or at least a fair trail. Because habeas corpus is dead.
II. Federalism
Let's pretend you disbelieve that corporations and the rich run everything. So, looking at the general structure of our government, we find that it is built so that the power of government is divided amongst the rulers. The Supreme Court is appointed by the President with the decision of Congress; the President's vetoes can be overridden by a semi-unified Congress, and his Orders can be nullified by the Court; Congress can be vetoed by the President, and its laws can be nullified by the Court. And the People choose Congress and the President, and therefore indirectly choose the Court. Power is divided so that no one is King.
This nation, the United States of America, was founded on the truth that men feast on one another, and that in order to create a stable society, power needs to be reasonably divided. Not the truth "that all men are created equal," at least in the idealistic sense. The equality thing is what the PR department during the Revolution said, but what the nation is really founded on is that these men, the Founding Fathers, realized that people take advantage of one another. Geniuses, they were. The first people in millennia thrifty enough to both get power, and also realize that power can be abused and that they could be the abusers. After the war ended, they didn't trust one another. They made the first central gov't, the Confederation, and it was weak. They only replaced it with the current structure of government because the confederation was too weak to succeed. But they knew that anyone with too much power could abuse it. It was like a reality show.
And a lot of people still believed that the constitution was imperfectly formed. New York State accepted the document by 3 votes. 3 votes!
And George Washington. Let's just clap the man. A landmark moment, when he chose to abstain from a third term. Perhaps the first time in History that a powerful ruler stepped down from power without having to die, or get pulled out.
Robert Mugabe is 100 years old, and he can't not be President.
III. Human Societies
Stable human societies rely on compromise.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Secretary of the Interior resigns over ‘Flag-gate’
May 5, 2020
WASHINGTON, DC--The Secretary of the Interior resigned following a catastrophic exhibition in which he burned an American flag to ashes.
The exhibition was designed to showcase fire-proof fabric manufactured by Dow Jong Industries. Several weeks ago, Dow Jong had received a contract to produce flags used by the federal government.
Observers assumed that the flags would be comprised of the fire-proof fabric that has earned the Chinese company billions in the international market. Laboratory tests show that the flag burned by the Secretary was 100% cotton.
In aftermath of the flag burning, a press release from Dow Jong said, “The use of our Fire-Fighter Fabric was not included in the contract…This is not our fault.” The contract specifies that flags made for the US government will be made of cotton, and the use of any other material will render the contract void.
Federal authorities are looking into the legal mishap.
In a signed statement, the former-Secretary lamented his decision to burn the American flag in front of a crowd of reporters. “My intention was to show the world of America’s ability to handle any situation…I am sorry, and regret any shame brought upon my family.”
Video of the flag burning incident is the most-viewed selection this week on YouTube.
The President held a press conference to declare that the flag contract will be cancelled, pending further negotiations.
“This just shows the dangers of outsourcing to a hostile power, and the harm it can do,” The President said. A week ago, he had been the biggest supporter of the contract.
The President declined to comment on a replacement for the departing Secretary. A White House employee who spoke under the condition of anonymity said that a front-runner for the position was the governor of California, Jessica Marie Alba.
WASHINGTON, DC--The Secretary of the Interior resigned following a catastrophic exhibition in which he burned an American flag to ashes.
The exhibition was designed to showcase fire-proof fabric manufactured by Dow Jong Industries. Several weeks ago, Dow Jong had received a contract to produce flags used by the federal government.
Observers assumed that the flags would be comprised of the fire-proof fabric that has earned the Chinese company billions in the international market. Laboratory tests show that the flag burned by the Secretary was 100% cotton.
In aftermath of the flag burning, a press release from Dow Jong said, “The use of our Fire-Fighter Fabric was not included in the contract…This is not our fault.” The contract specifies that flags made for the US government will be made of cotton, and the use of any other material will render the contract void.
Federal authorities are looking into the legal mishap.
In a signed statement, the former-Secretary lamented his decision to burn the American flag in front of a crowd of reporters. “My intention was to show the world of America’s ability to handle any situation…I am sorry, and regret any shame brought upon my family.”
Video of the flag burning incident is the most-viewed selection this week on YouTube.
The President held a press conference to declare that the flag contract will be cancelled, pending further negotiations.
“This just shows the dangers of outsourcing to a hostile power, and the harm it can do,” The President said. A week ago, he had been the biggest supporter of the contract.
The President declined to comment on a replacement for the departing Secretary. A White House employee who spoke under the condition of anonymity said that a front-runner for the position was the governor of California, Jessica Marie Alba.
Chinese corporation receives no-bid contract to produce US flag
April 21, 2020
SHANGHAI, China--Dow Jong Industies has received a no-bid contract from the federal government to manufacture flags used at government facilities and events. The five-year contract will begin October 1.
Dow-Jong, a state-owned conglomerate located in Guangdong, China, is best known for producing action figures, kitchen knives, and fire-proof fabric.
The Secretary of the Interior praised the move, saying that it would save tax payers millions, and ease pressure from the $50 trillion debt. He promises to soon exhibit the resiliency of the new flags by exposing one to a flamethrower.
SHANGHAI, China--Dow Jong Industies has received a no-bid contract from the federal government to manufacture flags used at government facilities and events. The five-year contract will begin October 1.
Dow-Jong, a state-owned conglomerate located in Guangdong, China, is best known for producing action figures, kitchen knives, and fire-proof fabric.
The Secretary of the Interior praised the move, saying that it would save tax payers millions, and ease pressure from the $50 trillion debt. He promises to soon exhibit the resiliency of the new flags by exposing one to a flamethrower.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
General: Laws of War Cause Lame Wars
SARAJEVO, Bosnia and Herzegovina--During a speech to students at the University of Sarajevo, General Slobodan Douchebagovich called the Geneva and Hague Conventions anti-peace documents in that the six treaties, substantial parts of the laws of war, limit effective military operations, and cause prolonged wars.
“What do we need rights in war for?” the Serbian general said. “We must be nice to adversary? ‘Here is pillow and lemonade. Now I shoot you.’”
Douchebagovich had been indicted for war crimes by the International Criminal Court, but the case was dropped due to several technicalities. He worried little about the movement to once again prosecute him, and, besides, he continues to look back fondly to his service at Srebrenica, where he and his men played soccer using infants as balls.
“Muslim babies are resilient people.”
He is the founder of GAW, Generals for Awesome Wars. The preamble to their constitution states that war law should be considered void because few organizations and governments only follow the treaties when convenient, besides Amnesty International and the International Committee of the Red Cross.
“Pussies,” Douchebagovich said about the humanitarian institutions. He and his organization advocate the development of Assertive Acquisition From Civilians Of Supplies To Be Used By Military Personnel (AAFCOSTBUBMP), and Interpersonal Relations Between Troops and Insurgents (IRBTAI). Such tactics aid troop morale, and tactical intelligence.
For example, AAFCOSTBUBMP eases financial pressure .
In regard to allegations that victims of the tactics would be abhorred at rape, pillage and torture, the General said, “First, in some dictionaries, ‘no’ means ‘no.’ But in the real ones, like the one my cousin made, ‘no’ sometimes means ‘yes.’ So you never know what they mean by, ‘Please, please, please don‘t.’”
Douchebagovich’s primary concern, however, lies with the reform in the regulation of nuclear weapons. He said that the current requirement of the use of such weapons, in which the existence of the State is in direct danger, is far too limited.
“If the existence of the State is not in danger today, it will in danger be tomorrow. Therefore, it is always in danger.”
He said that the reluctance to use nuclear weapons encourages armed resistance, and causes higher casualty rates in the long run. He cited the attacks on Nagasaki and Hiroshima to support his claim that nuclear attacks would stifle all sentiment toward opposition.
“Now that was shock and awe.”
“What do we need rights in war for?” the Serbian general said. “We must be nice to adversary? ‘Here is pillow and lemonade. Now I shoot you.’”
Douchebagovich had been indicted for war crimes by the International Criminal Court, but the case was dropped due to several technicalities. He worried little about the movement to once again prosecute him, and, besides, he continues to look back fondly to his service at Srebrenica, where he and his men played soccer using infants as balls.
“Muslim babies are resilient people.”
He is the founder of GAW, Generals for Awesome Wars. The preamble to their constitution states that war law should be considered void because few organizations and governments only follow the treaties when convenient, besides Amnesty International and the International Committee of the Red Cross.
“Pussies,” Douchebagovich said about the humanitarian institutions. He and his organization advocate the development of Assertive Acquisition From Civilians Of Supplies To Be Used By Military Personnel (AAFCOSTBUBMP), and Interpersonal Relations Between Troops and Insurgents (IRBTAI). Such tactics aid troop morale, and tactical intelligence.
For example, AAFCOSTBUBMP eases financial pressure .
In regard to allegations that victims of the tactics would be abhorred at rape, pillage and torture, the General said, “First, in some dictionaries, ‘no’ means ‘no.’ But in the real ones, like the one my cousin made, ‘no’ sometimes means ‘yes.’ So you never know what they mean by, ‘Please, please, please don‘t.’”
Douchebagovich’s primary concern, however, lies with the reform in the regulation of nuclear weapons. He said that the current requirement of the use of such weapons, in which the existence of the State is in direct danger, is far too limited.
“If the existence of the State is not in danger today, it will in danger be tomorrow. Therefore, it is always in danger.”
He said that the reluctance to use nuclear weapons encourages armed resistance, and causes higher casualty rates in the long run. He cited the attacks on Nagasaki and Hiroshima to support his claim that nuclear attacks would stifle all sentiment toward opposition.
“Now that was shock and awe.”
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Skull invasion begins, New Yorkers remain in city
NEW YORK, NY--This morning, shape shifting aliens called skrulls attacked New York City, causing billions in property damage and untold loss of life. As of press time, little is known about the fate of the superheroes engaged in the battle in Midtown Manhattan.
Both Director of SHIELD, Anthony Stark, and his superhero team the Mighty Avengers also remain missing.
Reports indicate that the invasion proper began months ago with the replacement by skrulls of hundreds throughout planet earth, including 10 members of the city council, 3 out of the 5 borough presidents, and city comptroller Bill Thompson.
Yesterday, SHIELD agents revealed city comptroller Bill Thompson as a skrull shortly after witnesses video taped the imposter engaging in an anti-black tirade. The real Thompson is (was?) African-American.
Experts speculate that the replacements hid in plain sight to gather intelligence for the intergalactic Skrull Empire.
Hours after the beginning of the attack, Mayor Michael Bloomberg held an emergency press conference at the stairs of the Thurgood Marshall US Courthouse.
"Today has showcased the resiliency of the good people of New York," the mayor said. "Even in the midst of this ongoing tragedy, our population continues to stand over 8 million, tourists worldwide visit our glorious streets, and the economy continues to grow. People want to go to the Big Apple."
"Indeed, the demand for NYC housing has never been more competitive, with the rest of the nation burned by the bursting at the housing bubble," he added, before a laser beam melted him into a green stain.
"Everyone, follow me!" the real Michael Bloomberg said, carrying a smoking, high-tech rifle the size of a grown man. He was accompanied by the remaining members of the New York State Militia Forces. Bloomberg, the Militia, and volunteers will stage a counter invasion from an undisclosed location.
"They should all leave," Martin Martinez, the Chief Operating Officer of Damage Control, Inc., said.
Damage Control is the government sponsored enterprise that repairs property damage in the wake of acts of superpowered violence, and has repaired New York City property in the wake of dozens of attacks from mutant terrorists, alien species, a deposed Latvarian Prime Minister, the Incredible Hulk, extradimensional forces, demons, runaway science experiments, time bombs, and multiple occurances of the collapse of time and space. As of press time, researchers are still calculating how many times New York City has faced certain destruction.
Martinez expresses surprise that European tourists continue to take advantage of the weak US dollar, and spend their money in the Big Apple. He says he cannot understand why the city remains the tourist hotspot, why people continue to move into the city, and why the flight of the middle class is moving as slowly as it is.
"New York is not worth it," Martinez said. "Even before the Skrulls, they were walking into a deficit of several billions of dollars, overpopulation, a broken transporation system. You can rent a piece of crap hole in Queens for the same price you can rent a decent, two bedroom apartment in Florida."
"What kind of crazy #$&@ wants to stay in Manhattan?" Martinez said shortly before the phone lines died.
"I love this city," Lauren Rose, a Columbia University student and Lieutenant of the Counter Invasion, said. "Where else could you be walking down the street, cup of coffee in hand, and witness such cultural diversity? Such history? I mean, where else can you see a three hundred pound man with unbreakable skin punch an anthropomorphic baboon through a brick wall? No where!"
Both Director of SHIELD, Anthony Stark, and his superhero team the Mighty Avengers also remain missing.
Reports indicate that the invasion proper began months ago with the replacement by skrulls of hundreds throughout planet earth, including 10 members of the city council, 3 out of the 5 borough presidents, and city comptroller Bill Thompson.
Yesterday, SHIELD agents revealed city comptroller Bill Thompson as a skrull shortly after witnesses video taped the imposter engaging in an anti-black tirade. The real Thompson is (was?) African-American.
Experts speculate that the replacements hid in plain sight to gather intelligence for the intergalactic Skrull Empire.
Hours after the beginning of the attack, Mayor Michael Bloomberg held an emergency press conference at the stairs of the Thurgood Marshall US Courthouse.
"Today has showcased the resiliency of the good people of New York," the mayor said. "Even in the midst of this ongoing tragedy, our population continues to stand over 8 million, tourists worldwide visit our glorious streets, and the economy continues to grow. People want to go to the Big Apple."
"Indeed, the demand for NYC housing has never been more competitive, with the rest of the nation burned by the bursting at the housing bubble," he added, before a laser beam melted him into a green stain.
"Everyone, follow me!" the real Michael Bloomberg said, carrying a smoking, high-tech rifle the size of a grown man. He was accompanied by the remaining members of the New York State Militia Forces. Bloomberg, the Militia, and volunteers will stage a counter invasion from an undisclosed location.
"They should all leave," Martin Martinez, the Chief Operating Officer of Damage Control, Inc., said.
Damage Control is the government sponsored enterprise that repairs property damage in the wake of acts of superpowered violence, and has repaired New York City property in the wake of dozens of attacks from mutant terrorists, alien species, a deposed Latvarian Prime Minister, the Incredible Hulk, extradimensional forces, demons, runaway science experiments, time bombs, and multiple occurances of the collapse of time and space. As of press time, researchers are still calculating how many times New York City has faced certain destruction.
Martinez expresses surprise that European tourists continue to take advantage of the weak US dollar, and spend their money in the Big Apple. He says he cannot understand why the city remains the tourist hotspot, why people continue to move into the city, and why the flight of the middle class is moving as slowly as it is.
"New York is not worth it," Martinez said. "Even before the Skrulls, they were walking into a deficit of several billions of dollars, overpopulation, a broken transporation system. You can rent a piece of crap hole in Queens for the same price you can rent a decent, two bedroom apartment in Florida."
"What kind of crazy #$&@ wants to stay in Manhattan?" Martinez said shortly before the phone lines died.
"I love this city," Lauren Rose, a Columbia University student and Lieutenant of the Counter Invasion, said. "Where else could you be walking down the street, cup of coffee in hand, and witness such cultural diversity? Such history? I mean, where else can you see a three hundred pound man with unbreakable skin punch an anthropomorphic baboon through a brick wall? No where!"
Monday, July 14, 2008
Bush Auctions Louisiana
WASHINGTON--Congress has passed a joint resolution that allows President Bush to auction the state of Louisiana. Proceeds will be used to reduce the federal government's $9.5 trillion debt.
Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal criticized the sale in a radio interview. "#$%@ Bush!" he said.
"Bidding will begin at $1 million," Bush said during the White House Rose Garden signing ceremony. The number symbolizes the original price of the so-called Louisiana Purchase, encompassing 15 current states.
Then-president Thomas Jefferson brought the land from Napoleon Bonaparte in 1803. Critics had disparged the move as an excessive use of executive power.
Bush called the auction a return to small government principles, and a sign of bipartisan cooperation on Capitol Hill. He hopes that the proceeds will signal to the rest of the world that the United States is committed to positive international relations.
He outlined his contingency plan to move current residents of Louisiana to neighboring states, in the event that the highest bidder enforces strict regulations on "aliens-to-be." Refugees would relocate to FEMA trailers.
Experts predict that follow-up auctions will occur, featuring such states as Missouri, Iowa, Oklahoma, and Mississippi. Bush dismissed speculation.
"As of this moment in time, considering this unpresidented act, and the benefit this will have on families, we cannot say that we will not not rule out
another sale, depending on the result," he said. "You get me? We will definitely not not consider another auction. And that's the truth."
Presidential candidate Sen. John McCain praised the move, saying that the most pressing issue in America today is the economy.
He said that the residents of Louisiana could soon witness a transformation similar to the economic renassiance in Dubai, a popular vacation spot for millionaires, and location of a number of high-priced man-made islands. Much of Lousiana experienced extensive property damage in the 2005 hurricane season, and many remain homeless.
Sen. Barack Obama, the presumptive Democratic nominee, also supported the auction. At a rally in Hanover, New Hampshire, Obama mused that auction proceeds could be used to support failing corporations. "What happened to Bear Stearns is unacceptable. We need to save our multibillion dollar corporations," he said.
Obama stopped mid-speech, and looked at his hands for several moments. "What have I become?" the Illinois senator said.
The audience roared its approval. Even men bared their breasts.
Representatives from the United Arab Emirates, France, China, Mexico, Iraq, and 20 other nations plan to attend the auction, to be held August 1st, at the lower 9th Ward of New Orleans.
***
But, seriously, the debt is really #$%@!
Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal criticized the sale in a radio interview. "#$%@ Bush!" he said.
"Bidding will begin at $1 million," Bush said during the White House Rose Garden signing ceremony. The number symbolizes the original price of the so-called Louisiana Purchase, encompassing 15 current states.
Then-president Thomas Jefferson brought the land from Napoleon Bonaparte in 1803. Critics had disparged the move as an excessive use of executive power.
Bush called the auction a return to small government principles, and a sign of bipartisan cooperation on Capitol Hill. He hopes that the proceeds will signal to the rest of the world that the United States is committed to positive international relations.
He outlined his contingency plan to move current residents of Louisiana to neighboring states, in the event that the highest bidder enforces strict regulations on "aliens-to-be." Refugees would relocate to FEMA trailers.
Experts predict that follow-up auctions will occur, featuring such states as Missouri, Iowa, Oklahoma, and Mississippi. Bush dismissed speculation.
"As of this moment in time, considering this unpresidented act, and the benefit this will have on families, we cannot say that we will not not rule out
another sale, depending on the result," he said. "You get me? We will definitely not not consider another auction. And that's the truth."
Presidential candidate Sen. John McCain praised the move, saying that the most pressing issue in America today is the economy.
He said that the residents of Louisiana could soon witness a transformation similar to the economic renassiance in Dubai, a popular vacation spot for millionaires, and location of a number of high-priced man-made islands. Much of Lousiana experienced extensive property damage in the 2005 hurricane season, and many remain homeless.
Sen. Barack Obama, the presumptive Democratic nominee, also supported the auction. At a rally in Hanover, New Hampshire, Obama mused that auction proceeds could be used to support failing corporations. "What happened to Bear Stearns is unacceptable. We need to save our multibillion dollar corporations," he said.
Obama stopped mid-speech, and looked at his hands for several moments. "What have I become?" the Illinois senator said.
The audience roared its approval. Even men bared their breasts.
Representatives from the United Arab Emirates, France, China, Mexico, Iraq, and 20 other nations plan to attend the auction, to be held August 1st, at the lower 9th Ward of New Orleans.
***
But, seriously, the debt is really #$%@!
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Angelina Jolie gives birth to twins, paparazzo
By Alberto Luperon, Dissociated Press Writer
NICE, France (DP) -- Angelina Jolie has given birth to twins and a photogapher who snuck into her womb 6 months ago. The Paparazzo is Ronald Johansen, who is 2 feet, 6 inches tall, and suffers from primoridial dwarfism. He is best known for snapping photos of Russel Crowe strangling a hot dog vendor with the strap of a bookbag.
Jolie's partner, Brad Pitt, was reported to be outraged in response to the discovery of Johannsen. Security apprehended Johansen, and confiscated his camera, which he had taken into the womb. Observers expect the camera to contain photos of the twins, Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline.
Johansen posted bail, but has yet to receive his camera.
"This is a travesty," the Swedish national said in an interview with the Dissociated Press. "I put in months of hard work in order to take those pictures. What is the world coming to?"
He declined to answer questions about the contents of the camera, how he snuck into Angelina Jolie, and how he avoided detection on ultrasound tests. "The world will soon discover what the pictures show," he said. "It is my best work, and I plan to follow up with memoirs detailing the challenges I had to overcome."
Johansen maintains that his rights as a member of the press were violated once Pitt reached into the caesarean section and tore him into the womb. He sustained several bruises, and plans to sue Pitt for the assault and the Nice Police Department for failing to return his camera.
"I have never felt more discriminated against in my life."
Neither Pitt nor Jolie could be reached for comment.
NICE, France (DP) -- Angelina Jolie has given birth to twins and a photogapher who snuck into her womb 6 months ago. The Paparazzo is Ronald Johansen, who is 2 feet, 6 inches tall, and suffers from primoridial dwarfism. He is best known for snapping photos of Russel Crowe strangling a hot dog vendor with the strap of a bookbag.
Jolie's partner, Brad Pitt, was reported to be outraged in response to the discovery of Johannsen. Security apprehended Johansen, and confiscated his camera, which he had taken into the womb. Observers expect the camera to contain photos of the twins, Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline.
Johansen posted bail, but has yet to receive his camera.
"This is a travesty," the Swedish national said in an interview with the Dissociated Press. "I put in months of hard work in order to take those pictures. What is the world coming to?"
He declined to answer questions about the contents of the camera, how he snuck into Angelina Jolie, and how he avoided detection on ultrasound tests. "The world will soon discover what the pictures show," he said. "It is my best work, and I plan to follow up with memoirs detailing the challenges I had to overcome."
Johansen maintains that his rights as a member of the press were violated once Pitt reached into the caesarean section and tore him into the womb. He sustained several bruises, and plans to sue Pitt for the assault and the Nice Police Department for failing to return his camera.
"I have never felt more discriminated against in my life."
Neither Pitt nor Jolie could be reached for comment.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Bill Regulates Rape Accusations
By Alberto Luperon, Dissociated Press Writer
July 12, 2008--Weeks ago, New York Assemblyman Mark Catheter of New York introduced a bill that would regulate rape accusations. Now, he is receiving the backing of a not-for-profit organization, FRAT (the Federation of Rangers Against Tattletaling).
"Rape will still be a crime," the Assemblyman says about his new bill. "We just want to cut down on false accusations. Only a real victim would go to jail to catch the badguys. I mean, after an experience like rape, a night in jail will be no problem."
FRAT is an organization which, since 1901, has lobbied state legislatures and congress for laws that eliminate accusations. Members are called "Rangers," and Assemblyman Catheter has been a ranger since 1982, after he was sued for peeing on a neighbor's porch.
"I don't remember the urinating, per se, but then here I am stumbling down the driveway, getting called a drunk and a bum by Mrs. Finster."
Yesterday, FRAT protesters stormed the steps of the New York Legislature in Albany, New York, calling for whores to shut their mouths. Catheter expressed pride that FRAT was using its first amendment rights.
Anti-accusation proposals date back to 1796, when then-state senator Rufus Burr sponsored a bill that would eliminate insults any and all communication in New York. If the bill had been passed, then a violator would be forced to walk public with the word, "Basterd" tattooed on his forehead.
Catheter believes that by pushing for the passage of the "QYET BILL," he and the other Rangers are protecting the accused from accusations, and upholding the legal tradition that the accused are innocent until proven guilty.
He says, in addition: "It's the constitutional right for citizens to do with their bodies as they please."
July 12, 2008--Weeks ago, New York Assemblyman Mark Catheter of New York introduced a bill that would regulate rape accusations. Now, he is receiving the backing of a not-for-profit organization, FRAT (the Federation of Rangers Against Tattletaling).
"Rape will still be a crime," the Assemblyman says about his new bill. "We just want to cut down on false accusations. Only a real victim would go to jail to catch the badguys. I mean, after an experience like rape, a night in jail will be no problem."
FRAT is an organization which, since 1901, has lobbied state legislatures and congress for laws that eliminate accusations. Members are called "Rangers," and Assemblyman Catheter has been a ranger since 1982, after he was sued for peeing on a neighbor's porch.
"I don't remember the urinating, per se, but then here I am stumbling down the driveway, getting called a drunk and a bum by Mrs. Finster."
Yesterday, FRAT protesters stormed the steps of the New York Legislature in Albany, New York, calling for whores to shut their mouths. Catheter expressed pride that FRAT was using its first amendment rights.
Anti-accusation proposals date back to 1796, when then-state senator Rufus Burr sponsored a bill that would eliminate insults any and all communication in New York. If the bill had been passed, then a violator would be forced to walk public with the word, "Basterd" tattooed on his forehead.
Catheter believes that by pushing for the passage of the "QYET BILL," he and the other Rangers are protecting the accused from accusations, and upholding the legal tradition that the accused are innocent until proven guilty.
He says, in addition: "It's the constitutional right for citizens to do with their bodies as they please."
Friday, July 11, 2008
The Value of Life Plummets $900,000
***Based on a real article. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/07/10/national/main4250299.shtml?source=RSSattr=HOME_4250299#ccmm
By Alberto Luperon, Dissociated Press Writer
July 12, 2008 -- The EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) estimates the value of the average American's life to be $6.9 million, a $900,000 drop from 2003 levels.
The statistic results from other statistics, such as what people pay to avoid risks. Like other Government agencies, the EPA uses such a number to determine whether certain initiatives, such as regulations on pollution and thereby saving lives in the long run, are worth supporting with public funds.
If the cost of a initiative exceeds the dollar amount of human life benefitted, then the can consider the initiative impracticle. Americans nationwide are buzzing about the finding.
Yesterday, protesters stormed the front steps of the EPA headquarters in Washington, D.C. to call for the agency to return the value to previous levels, saying the finding was an affront to human dignity.
"It hurts my feelings," Ronald Cathater, a protester from Los Angeles, California, said. "But I'm special. No body can take away the value of my life. What I give to the world cannot be calculated in dollars and cents." Cathater lives with his mother, and spends over $300 a year on pornography.
In addition, immates in high-security prisons across the country are suing for more amenities, stating that their civil rights are being undermined by the low standards of living found at correctional facilities.
Mark Johnson, Esq., an attorney for several inmates at Rikers Island Prison in New York City, called the movement a milestone in American history.
"This is bigger than the Civil War," Johnson, said. "Perhaps, finally, the downtrodden can get the respect they deserve. You hear that, Sandra? You were wrong. I am worth something."
The change in the value of life has weaved itself into every part of society, as organizations across the nation used the drop as rationale for budget cuts. 50 counties removed chocolate milk from local public schools. New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg removed the Administration for Children's Services from the city budget for the 2010-to-2011 fiscal year. In Alabama, Reginald Truman pawned his childrens' X-Box, and told them to finally get jobs, "goddammnit."
In Utah, the wife of kidnapped millionaire Paul Jackson has pushed for renegotiations with her husband's kidnappers. Tanya Jackson had leaned toward conceeding to the orginal demand for $10 million. Upon reading of the EPA's recalculation, however, she changed her mind, and called the kidnappers, "thieves" and "terrorists" for their high price.
If there is going to be a transaction, Jackson says, then they should accept her new offer of $6.9 million. "It's what Paul would've wanted. He was always about being frugal. He never spent more on something than what it was worth."
By Alberto Luperon, Dissociated Press Writer
July 12, 2008 -- The EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) estimates the value of the average American's life to be $6.9 million, a $900,000 drop from 2003 levels.
The statistic results from other statistics, such as what people pay to avoid risks. Like other Government agencies, the EPA uses such a number to determine whether certain initiatives, such as regulations on pollution and thereby saving lives in the long run, are worth supporting with public funds.
If the cost of a initiative exceeds the dollar amount of human life benefitted, then the can consider the initiative impracticle. Americans nationwide are buzzing about the finding.
Yesterday, protesters stormed the front steps of the EPA headquarters in Washington, D.C. to call for the agency to return the value to previous levels, saying the finding was an affront to human dignity.
"It hurts my feelings," Ronald Cathater, a protester from Los Angeles, California, said. "But I'm special. No body can take away the value of my life. What I give to the world cannot be calculated in dollars and cents." Cathater lives with his mother, and spends over $300 a year on pornography.
In addition, immates in high-security prisons across the country are suing for more amenities, stating that their civil rights are being undermined by the low standards of living found at correctional facilities.
Mark Johnson, Esq., an attorney for several inmates at Rikers Island Prison in New York City, called the movement a milestone in American history.
"This is bigger than the Civil War," Johnson, said. "Perhaps, finally, the downtrodden can get the respect they deserve. You hear that, Sandra? You were wrong. I am worth something."
The change in the value of life has weaved itself into every part of society, as organizations across the nation used the drop as rationale for budget cuts. 50 counties removed chocolate milk from local public schools. New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg removed the Administration for Children's Services from the city budget for the 2010-to-2011 fiscal year. In Alabama, Reginald Truman pawned his childrens' X-Box, and told them to finally get jobs, "goddammnit."
In Utah, the wife of kidnapped millionaire Paul Jackson has pushed for renegotiations with her husband's kidnappers. Tanya Jackson had leaned toward conceeding to the orginal demand for $10 million. Upon reading of the EPA's recalculation, however, she changed her mind, and called the kidnappers, "thieves" and "terrorists" for their high price.
If there is going to be a transaction, Jackson says, then they should accept her new offer of $6.9 million. "It's what Paul would've wanted. He was always about being frugal. He never spent more on something than what it was worth."
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Five questions politicians will never hear (or maybe they will)
1) "Senator Obama, how will your being Muslim affect the Zionist conspiracy?"
2) "Senator Clinton, why was your Sopranos spoof sooooooo awkward?"
3) "Dr. [Ron] Paul, why are you Don Quixote?"
4) "Senator McCain, why are your pupils so HUGE?"
5) "President Bush, what do you think about criticism that says your administration botched the staging of 9-11?"
2) "Senator Clinton, why was your Sopranos spoof sooooooo awkward?"
3) "Dr. [Ron] Paul, why are you Don Quixote?"
4) "Senator McCain, why are your pupils so HUGE?"
5) "President Bush, what do you think about criticism that says your administration botched the staging of 9-11?"
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Yahoo.com
Okay...today, on Yahoo.com, the featured stories are 1) The Seattle Sonics will be moving out of Seattle. 2) Reality Show nonsense, 3) "Why [Christina] Aquilera is happy to be a non-partying mom" and last, in the bottom right corner of the Featured Box, 4) "Rampant job loss to continue into 2009."
4 to 1, or 3 to 2, depending how you see it. The Seattle move will affect the lives of many people, economically speaking. And then Aguilera? Reality shows?
Shoved into the box for secondary news: information on Alzheimer's, MASSIVE FIRES RAGING IN CALIFORNIA, a missing girl's body found, freed hostages, and information on the Justice Dept. considering the use of racial profiling. This Justice Dept. article can be found here. (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080702/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/terror_profiling)
I just reloaded the page, while typing this, and the reality show article was replaced on the Featured Box by an article about baseball.
Many of the arguments against The Media come from The Media. "The media, the media, the media."
"The media is biased."
"The media fails to cover important information."
"The media talks too much about celebrities."
Indeed, they focus on crap. They focus on crap because we, the viewers, watch this crap. A certain food is only considered food because most people eat it.
And Britney Spears is news because certain people make it a point to watch her. They watch ET. They buy pointless crap about Angelina Jolie's 1,000 children. Good for Angelina. So why do you care . Sure, it's entertaining. And my walking up to you physically and berating you and your magazine renders me a nut. This essay is best left for a semi-formal atmosphere like this.
And so we view crap. We view crap that has very little influence on our lives. As sweet as Jolie may be as a person, you could do better things than
memorize her childrens' names. And the more you view this crap of the magazine stand, of the TV, of the Internet, the more the media craps this crap. It's a vicious cycle.
They give. You take. They give more. You take more. And so on. Forever.
People blame the media for this surplus of crap. "The media should put out more useful information." They do. People simply fail the read it. See, the
media are slave to their sponsors. They are slave to McDonalds, and everyone else who buys ad-space. the media is a business. Money is needed to run a
business. The media needs money. They get money from advertizers. The more viewers a media outlet commands, the higher prices they command in ad-space.
Ad-space, ad-space, ad-space. $$$$$$$$$$$$$ It's your money, too. And so the more you tune into TMZ, and ET, the more money these shows stand to receive.
So they put out more useless information. Clogging the arteries of the international bank of knowledge. Outlets that put out useful information, well, tend to fail or do just a little worse.
Maybe Rupert Murdoch and the Evil Conglomerates of the Word really do want us stupid so as to stay rich. But guess what? Only so they can stay rich. If we turn our attention to some other TV show, advertisers will put their money with that show. And even if that fails, so what? The media can't force us to do anything. They can't force us to read what we read. They can't force us to believe what we believe. They only take up a visible, but small corner of the world.
If you want to live, live your damn life.
We believe what we believe, and read what we read, and write what we write, and do what we do. Our emotions are involuntary, and we guide those emotions toward whichever actions we choose.
I wrote this essay. Fuck Rupert Murdoch.
People have no excuse for ignorance, for laziness. "It's the only thing they give us." Other information is available. In the library. In the Internet.
Hint, hint. If you want to sit on your ass, it's your fault.
If I want to sit on my ass, it's my fault.
If they want to sit on their asses, it's their fault.
It's our fault the world sucks. Cut out this 'us vs. them' crap. 'They' do what we would do in their situation. If we stood what they stood to gain and lose, we'd do the same.
I mean, we're so stupid.
I'm stupid. Have you ever heard me speak? You're better off reading my writing. In my head, I compose these glorious essays about human nature, philosophy, psychology. And the vocal expression of these ideas trips up. Word weaves out over word. It's clumsy. And yet I continue to speak. I speak even sometimes when I damn well know the other person is hardly interested, because I need the practice. Because I like the practice, and the practice makes me better.
And you can practice too. And you can read, too. And you can erase your limitations as much as possible, too. And you can get over your shit, too.
This essay sounds like a coke-induced advertisement for Zoloft. Speaking of which, be happy. I say this so as not to be mistaken for Ayn Rand.
Be happy. Always happy. Life is short. Too damn short. SO be happy. If you stub your toe, be happy. If you get the runs, be happy. If you get into a car accident, be happy. Try it. It works.
4 to 1, or 3 to 2, depending how you see it. The Seattle move will affect the lives of many people, economically speaking. And then Aguilera? Reality shows?
Shoved into the box for secondary news: information on Alzheimer's, MASSIVE FIRES RAGING IN CALIFORNIA, a missing girl's body found, freed hostages, and information on the Justice Dept. considering the use of racial profiling. This Justice Dept. article can be found here. (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080702/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/terror_profiling)
I just reloaded the page, while typing this, and the reality show article was replaced on the Featured Box by an article about baseball.
Many of the arguments against The Media come from The Media. "The media, the media, the media."
"The media is biased."
"The media fails to cover important information."
"The media talks too much about celebrities."
Indeed, they focus on crap. They focus on crap because we, the viewers, watch this crap. A certain food is only considered food because most people eat it.
And Britney Spears is news because certain people make it a point to watch her. They watch ET. They buy pointless crap about Angelina Jolie's 1,000 children. Good for Angelina. So why do you care . Sure, it's entertaining. And my walking up to you physically and berating you and your magazine renders me a nut. This essay is best left for a semi-formal atmosphere like this.
And so we view crap. We view crap that has very little influence on our lives. As sweet as Jolie may be as a person, you could do better things than
memorize her childrens' names. And the more you view this crap of the magazine stand, of the TV, of the Internet, the more the media craps this crap. It's a vicious cycle.
They give. You take. They give more. You take more. And so on. Forever.
People blame the media for this surplus of crap. "The media should put out more useful information." They do. People simply fail the read it. See, the
media are slave to their sponsors. They are slave to McDonalds, and everyone else who buys ad-space. the media is a business. Money is needed to run a
business. The media needs money. They get money from advertizers. The more viewers a media outlet commands, the higher prices they command in ad-space.
Ad-space, ad-space, ad-space. $$$$$$$$$$$$$ It's your money, too. And so the more you tune into TMZ, and ET, the more money these shows stand to receive.
So they put out more useless information. Clogging the arteries of the international bank of knowledge. Outlets that put out useful information, well, tend to fail or do just a little worse.
Maybe Rupert Murdoch and the Evil Conglomerates of the Word really do want us stupid so as to stay rich. But guess what? Only so they can stay rich. If we turn our attention to some other TV show, advertisers will put their money with that show. And even if that fails, so what? The media can't force us to do anything. They can't force us to read what we read. They can't force us to believe what we believe. They only take up a visible, but small corner of the world.
If you want to live, live your damn life.
We believe what we believe, and read what we read, and write what we write, and do what we do. Our emotions are involuntary, and we guide those emotions toward whichever actions we choose.
I wrote this essay. Fuck Rupert Murdoch.
People have no excuse for ignorance, for laziness. "It's the only thing they give us." Other information is available. In the library. In the Internet.
Hint, hint. If you want to sit on your ass, it's your fault.
If I want to sit on my ass, it's my fault.
If they want to sit on their asses, it's their fault.
It's our fault the world sucks. Cut out this 'us vs. them' crap. 'They' do what we would do in their situation. If we stood what they stood to gain and lose, we'd do the same.
I mean, we're so stupid.
I'm stupid. Have you ever heard me speak? You're better off reading my writing. In my head, I compose these glorious essays about human nature, philosophy, psychology. And the vocal expression of these ideas trips up. Word weaves out over word. It's clumsy. And yet I continue to speak. I speak even sometimes when I damn well know the other person is hardly interested, because I need the practice. Because I like the practice, and the practice makes me better.
And you can practice too. And you can read, too. And you can erase your limitations as much as possible, too. And you can get over your shit, too.
This essay sounds like a coke-induced advertisement for Zoloft. Speaking of which, be happy. I say this so as not to be mistaken for Ayn Rand.
Be happy. Always happy. Life is short. Too damn short. SO be happy. If you stub your toe, be happy. If you get the runs, be happy. If you get into a car accident, be happy. Try it. It works.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Corollary to "Five Problems In Contemplating God"
1.1) "The existence of the world itself, and the beauty of the world prove God's existence."
Again, you are apply values to Something you know Nothing about. Canst thou measure God's hair molecules under a microscope? Canst thou take a DNA swab from the inside of his right cheek, and compare against human DNA? Canst thou ask him to stand against a wall, and measure His height? "Jesus - Age 6...Jesus - Age 7..."
Therefore, thou shouldst take a minute to really ponder. Until you know the very nature of God--the very stuff of God--the brick to his house--the H2O to his water-- you will find it difficult to prove or disprove his nature by way of nature itself.
2.1) "The absence of evidence against God's existence proves His existence."
It's the same kind of logic as saying "God is fake because I cannot see Him." The absence of evidence only reveals unanswered questions. Both belief and nonbelief require an amount of faith. The subject--a believer or nonbeliever--assumes the general nature of the answers to unanswered questions. The subject assumes. (S)he has no way to substantiate those beliefs.
Again, you are apply values to Something you know Nothing about. Canst thou measure God's hair molecules under a microscope? Canst thou take a DNA swab from the inside of his right cheek, and compare against human DNA? Canst thou ask him to stand against a wall, and measure His height? "Jesus - Age 6...Jesus - Age 7..."
Therefore, thou shouldst take a minute to really ponder. Until you know the very nature of God--the very stuff of God--the brick to his house--the H2O to his water-- you will find it difficult to prove or disprove his nature by way of nature itself.
2.1) "The absence of evidence against God's existence proves His existence."
It's the same kind of logic as saying "God is fake because I cannot see Him." The absence of evidence only reveals unanswered questions. Both belief and nonbelief require an amount of faith. The subject--a believer or nonbeliever--assumes the general nature of the answers to unanswered questions. The subject assumes. (S)he has no way to substantiate those beliefs.
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