Angelina Jolie gives birth to twins, paparazzo

By Alberto Luperon, Dissociated Press Writer

NICE, France (DP) -- Angelina Jolie has given birth to twins and a photogapher who snuck into her womb 6 months ago. The Paparazzo is Ronald Johansen, who is 2 feet, 6 inches tall, and suffers from primoridial dwarfism. He is best known for snapping photos of Russel Crowe strangling a hot dog vendor with the strap of a bookbag.

Jolie's partner, Brad Pitt, was reported to be outraged in response to the discovery of Johannsen. Security apprehended Johansen, and confiscated his camera, which he had taken into the womb. Observers expect the camera to contain photos of the twins, Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline.

Johansen posted bail, but has yet to receive his camera.

"This is a travesty," the Swedish national said in an interview with the Dissociated Press. "I put in months of hard work in order to take those pictures. What is the world coming to?"

He declined to answer questions about the contents of the camera, how he snuck into Angelina Jolie, and how he avoided detection on ultrasound tests. "The world will soon discover what the pictures show," he said. "It is my best work, and I plan to follow up with memoirs detailing the challenges I had to overcome."

Johansen maintains that his rights as a member of the press were violated once Pitt reached into the caesarean section and tore him into the womb. He sustained several bruises, and plans to sue Pitt for the assault and the Nice Police Department for failing to return his camera.

"I have never felt more discriminated against in my life."

Neither Pitt nor Jolie could be reached for comment.