Skull invasion begins, New Yorkers remain in city

NEW YORK, NY--This morning, shape shifting aliens called skrulls attacked New York City, causing billions in property damage and untold loss of life. As of press time, little is known about the fate of the superheroes engaged in the battle in Midtown Manhattan.

Both Director of SHIELD, Anthony Stark, and his superhero team the Mighty Avengers also remain missing.

Reports indicate that the invasion proper began months ago with the replacement by skrulls of hundreds throughout planet earth, including 10 members of the city council, 3 out of the 5 borough presidents, and city comptroller Bill Thompson.

Yesterday, SHIELD agents revealed city comptroller Bill Thompson as a skrull shortly after witnesses video taped the imposter engaging in an anti-black tirade. The real Thompson is (was?) African-American.

Experts speculate that the replacements hid in plain sight to gather intelligence for the intergalactic Skrull Empire.

Hours after the beginning of the attack, Mayor Michael Bloomberg held an emergency press conference at the stairs of the Thurgood Marshall US Courthouse.

"Today has showcased the resiliency of the good people of New York," the mayor said. "Even in the midst of this ongoing tragedy, our population continues to stand over 8 million, tourists worldwide visit our glorious streets, and the economy continues to grow. People want to go to the Big Apple."

"Indeed, the demand for NYC housing has never been more competitive, with the rest of the nation burned by the bursting at the housing bubble," he added, before a laser beam melted him into a green stain.

"Everyone, follow me!" the real Michael Bloomberg said, carrying a smoking, high-tech rifle the size of a grown man. He was accompanied by the remaining members of the New York State Militia Forces. Bloomberg, the Militia, and volunteers will stage a counter invasion from an undisclosed location.

"They should all leave," Martin Martinez, the Chief Operating Officer of Damage Control, Inc., said.

Damage Control is the government sponsored enterprise that repairs property damage in the wake of acts of superpowered violence, and has repaired New York City property in the wake of dozens of attacks from mutant terrorists, alien species, a deposed Latvarian Prime Minister, the Incredible Hulk, extradimensional forces, demons, runaway science experiments, time bombs, and multiple occurances of the collapse of time and space. As of press time, researchers are still calculating how many times New York City has faced certain destruction.

Martinez expresses surprise that European tourists continue to take advantage of the weak US dollar, and spend their money in the Big Apple. He says he cannot understand why the city remains the tourist hotspot, why people continue to move into the city, and why the flight of the middle class is moving as slowly as it is.

"New York is not worth it," Martinez said. "Even before the Skrulls, they were walking into a deficit of several billions of dollars, overpopulation, a broken transporation system. You can rent a piece of crap hole in Queens for the same price you can rent a decent, two bedroom apartment in Florida."

"What kind of crazy #$&@ wants to stay in Manhattan?" Martinez said shortly before the phone lines died.

"I love this city," Lauren Rose, a Columbia University student and Lieutenant of the Counter Invasion, said. "Where else could you be walking down the street, cup of coffee in hand, and witness such cultural diversity? Such history? I mean, where else can you see a three hundred pound man with unbreakable skin punch an anthropomorphic baboon through a brick wall? No where!"