Resolved: Parents have no business raising their children

Written February 2007

So, I’ll be talking out of my ass. I’ve never fathered a child.

Raising kids requires a bit of self-knowledge. You have to be able to impart some sort of wisdom to the kid. Even if they don’t surpass you financially, they can surpass you as human beings. They can be more disciplined than you are. Just a little improvement, in one area, the body of knowledge of the family collecting over time, by generation. If only that, then your parenting was a success. Then they can set it up so their kids are better than they are.
Please don’t have a baby just to have a baby. This isn’t doll time. You’re not pretending to feed a plastic baby. You’re not going to you have to be there, at least dreadfully conscious of long nights of the baby waking you up.

And every family requires respect amongst the members. The conscious and unconscious knowledge that person before you is someone with emotions, desires, and a brain. The knowledge that regardless of what you feel, or want, you have to understand that you’re not to undermine the other person. You can be angry at them all, ground your kids for a year, not have sex with your spouse, but in no way will you belittle their consciousnesses. That is love: respect. And it must be mutual. Forget wanting to fuck somebody, forget wanting to cuddle with your two year old just to cuddle with them. You have to be prepared and willing to stand with someone through second mortgages, bills, bills, bills, disagreements—whatever, as long as their behavior isn’t the self-destructive bullshit that will take you down too, which means that the respect isn’t mutual because they are not looking out for you. If there is not mutual respect, no love, then there is no family. It is easier said than done, but so be it, it’s really the only general way I can think of. So even if you don’t like your spouse, you had better respect them, and they you, if you’re both to raise the same kids. Then that respect will transfer to your kids.